Stabbed in the chest... Again...

I don't know why... I knew it was coming... But when she told me she had found some place... It felt like she had stabbed me. I gave everything I had to this relationship... Including all of my money... And she is walking away debt free. Almost. I on the other hand will still have bills long after we are split. It makes me mad that she has never stood on her own two feet. And I am just now beginning to see how that was true for her entire life. She has leeched off everyone and everything she could. And when I had no more to give. She walked away. Good goddess I was blind. I really thought she loved me. I really thought we would fight the devil himself to save the other... But her very words come back to haunt me... She told me years ago that if she had all the money she needed... She was not sure she would choose to stay in a relationship. I should have listened. I wish I could just turn off my feelings... I wish I could hate her... It would make this all so much easier. But I will stand on my own two feet. And in the end, I will triumph.
For a very short time, I thought I could be the bigger person. Remain friends. Now I just want her out of my life. But for as long as the kids are here, I will not be able to totally walk away.
So much of me wants us both to make it, but there is a part of me that is hoping she ends up right back where she is now. In debt and unable to see the horizon.
I need to find better ways to express my anger and frustration. I feel completely used. I feel like the past 15 years was a complete fraud. And more than anything... I want to walk away unjaded... But that is getting harder to do.

Struggling...

I truly wish I could tell you where it all went wrong... But I just know the moment went my life was going to change and knowing in that instant that I could do nothing to change the course of what was coming. I know that I did what I could, knowing that I gave it my all. But I am left feeling that I was always alone, that I had held us together for years. I am left feeling used. I am left with the reality of never truly having a partner, but rather having been involved with someone who never really knew me. And never really tried. Who never truly gave me what I gave to her. Which was all of me. I almost gave her my life. Struggling to support a family that she was unwilling to support. Working until I was so sick and tired and yes. Nearly dead. And for all of that. She has left me. And again has walked out on her responsibility of supporting her family. I will support and raise my family. I will do what I have to do to make their lives easier. And I will live well and be able to give them more of what they deserve. Which is a stable home life with a loving involved parent. This life that lies ahead of us will be more than I could have dreamed. And I will walk this path with my head held high.
I will find love again. I will not compromise or settle. I will show them that happily ever after can happen. If you bother to try. I will show them how to lead a purposeful life. One filled with service and the joy of accomplishment.
Onward and upward. I have hit bottom... There is no where to go but up. Living well, truly is the best revenge.